Gratuity Included: If it were up to me…

Getting ready for one of the biggest restaurant nights of the year (with a massively sprained ankle by the way) I started to reflect on how much money I will make, versus how much money I should make serving throughout the year.

Kid gratuity. Your kid is growling, barking, playing with their food, and being an over all nuisance. You are causing the people around you to be uncomfortable and irritable (not to mention me) and thus the people in my section are going to want to leave versus spending a longer time relaxing and ordering more cocktails, thus fattening my bottom line. This and the fact that my busser is going to have to take extra time out of servicing other patrons to thoroughly clean the area which was left undoubtedly soiled by your skin baby. Please compensate.

Excessive Perfume. I have mentioned this topic before, but the other night I actually had to run out of “Ocean Seasoning” and dry heave because someones cologne made me so nauseous. This should lead to more of a fine than an added gratuity.

Foreign Visitors: I’m pretty sure I am going to go out of my way to chum it up with you and make sure that you get the best that the restaurant has to offer, and there’s a good chance you aren’t going to know how to leave a tip. Auto grat!

Booze counts!: Why is it that so many people think that the cost of drinks does not count towards the total that you should be tipping on? I admit I was under this impression for a long time, but why is that? Tip on the whole amount! Same if you use a gift certificate, tip on the original amount!

Time Limit: Please be considerate of a reasonable amount of time spent at your table, or at least pay the bill and sign the credit card slip; don’t walk into a restaurant moments before they close and fail to recognize that if it weren’t for you your server, the manager, and the entire kitchen staff wouldn’t still be in the clock, costing the restaurant more money than you’ve spent and wasting their time for a 15% tip. And don’t stay long after the restaurant has emptied and the manager and server are clearly twiddling their thumbs waiting for you to leave. It’s late and we inevitably had a long day and have someplace better to be. If you don’t want the night to end go to a coffee shop, a bar, a car, back to his or her place. But be respectful of everyone that you are affecting by staying past your “allowed” time. Note: This doesn’t apply to the lone diner that is thoughtfully taking his or her time to read a book, contemplate the restaurant or life, and continues to order glass after glass of wine. After all, he or she could be evaluating the restaurant or become a devout regular.

And off to ring in 2009 with people that I wouldn’t want to be further from.

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2 Responses to “Gratuity Included: If it were up to me…”

  1. martha snyder Says:

    agreed on all points- who doesn’t dread the canadian accent or the screaming child-the people that arrive at closing time-blissfully unaware that we have private lives as well- and the unforgivable-the people that are so enraged that we are out if specials when they get there just as the signs are being shut off-plan your time better ! get a watch ! invest in a phone ! call for closing times and if you have your heart set on something special-ask for it to be reserved ! we’ll gladly take care of you if you so kindly take care of us !

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